Relationship Between Income and Quality of Life

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Relationship Between
Income and Quality of Life

By Mark Morgan Ford

In 1983, I was a working as an editor for $35,000 per year at 60 hours per week. By accident (don’t ask), I enrolled in a personal improvement program that changed my life. As a result of that program, I decided to make “getting rich” a priority.

A year later, I was making $100,000-plus and was on my way to making lots more.

Our company’s accountant agreed to help me with my personal taxes. I was pretty excited about the progress I had made, and even more excited about the future.

After going over my tax return, he said, “Congratulations on breaking through the $100,000 barrier! That’s a huge step.”

“Next stop a million,” I boasted.

“Good,” he said. “But there’s something I want you to remember. In terms of quality of life, there are really only two income levels: less than a hundred grand per year and more than a hundred grand.”

“That’s crazy,” I said. “There’s a huge difference between making a hundred grand and making a million.”

“Is there?” he said. “Think about it. With the money you are making now, you can pay your bills, save for retirement, take your family out to dinner once in a while, drive a nice car, and take a vacation once or twice a year. It’s a good life.”

“What about the yachts and the sports cars and the private jets?” I asked.

“Those are just toys. When you are making millions, you can buy more expensive toys, but that won’t make your life any better.”

He was a smart guy, and I respected his opinion. But I wanted to believe that making more money would give me a richer and fuller life. And so I worked hard to make more money. 

My income doubled the next year… doubled again the year after that… and continued to climb. As my income grew and my financial worries abated, opportunities to indulge my family opened up. We could live in a beautiful house. We could travel. I could buy my wife, K, expensive presents. 

It felt good. It still does—I don’t deny that. But the question is: Did my life keep improving after my income passed $100,000?

And the answer is: It did—kind of and for a while. 

When my income was in the $100,000-150,000 range, we were able to live in a new, ranch-style house in a middle-class neighborhood, go out to dinner once a week at a local Italian eatery, and take a nice trip every summer. It was great.

When my income reached the $250,000-350,000 range, we moved to a big, custom-built home in a fancy gated community, put our kids in private schools, bought ourselves luxury cars, and went to Europe or Hawaii once a year. 

I liked living that way. I was proud of what I had achieved and eager to show off my material wealth to friends and family. It was also fun to splurge on stupidly expensive things (like booking a suite in the Hôtel George V in Paris).

What I’m saying is this: Thirty years ago… my accountant was right.

When my income passed $100,000, I was able to spend extravagantly, and that felt good for a while. But it was mostly the ego high of finally “arriving”—the feeling of, “Holy crap! Aren’t I great?”

But ego highs don’t last. Like drugs, you need more and more to give you a lift. And ultimately they leave you feeling empty.

You remind yourself that the best things in life are free, but you’re addicted to the high you get from spending. 

So you keep working and you keep spending. 

You’re also addicted to increasing your income because you have equated income with success. You have to make more money to prove to yourself that you’re better than your friends and colleagues. It’s all about keeping score.

So you keep working and you keep spending. 

Am I going to tell you to stop trying to make more money? Of course not. I will always help you increase your income as part of your efforts to increase your wealth. 

But first, I want to make sure you never fall into the income-addiction trap.

How Much Money Do You Have to Make to Enjoy a Really Good Life?

“In terms of quality of life,” my accountant told me 30 years ago, “there are really only two income levels: less than a hundred grand per year and more than a hundred grand.”

A hundred grand back then would be worth $250,000 today. So let’s use $250,000 as our dividing line now—the “income barrier” you would have to break through today in order to enjoy the best quality of life that money can buy. 

This is an income based on a family of four. For single people, couples, and one-child families, it could be lower. And it would vary somewhat depending on your location. For example, it costs a great deal more to live in New York City than it does in Boise, Idaho.

That said, $250,000 is a good target number for us to work with as an illustration of how your quality of life might change as your income rises. 

Income Level 1: You’re making less than $50,000.

For a family of four with a household income of less than $50,000, life is tough. You are renting a crappy apartment or dilapidated house, driving a car that breaks down regularly, clipping grocery coupons (if not food stamps), and accumulating debt. Debt is always a huge, omnipresent problem because—for some incomprehensible reason—credit has been extended to you. 

(This, by the way, is what I knew as a child. We were a family of 10 living on a teacher’s income. We lived in a dilapidated, three-bedroom house across the street from the railroad tracks. My siblings and I wore hand-me-down clothes, got Christmas gifts from local charities, and drank powdered milk because real milk was too expensive.)

Income Level 2: You’re making $50,000-70,000.

You are living in a small but decent place and driving an okay car. But you are struggling to pay your bills on time. You are trying to save money, but “emergencies” keep eating it up.

Income Level 3: You’re making $70,000-120,000.

You are living in a nice house, driving a nice car, and paying your bills on time. You want to save a decent percentage of your income, but to do that you have to forgo regular dining out and nice vacations.

Income Level 4: You’re making $120,000-250,000.

Things are good. Your house is not showy, but you have everything you need… and a lot of what you want. You can drive a luxury car, but you may prefer to drive something more sensible. As you move up in this income range, you can go out to dinner whenever you like and take a nice vacation every year. Debt is manageable, even minimal. You’re putting money away for the kids’ college education and for retirement. You expect to be able to retire at 65.

Income Level 5: You’re making more than $250,000.

You’ve got it all: a nice house, luxury cars, dinners out, very nice vacations, and a growing savings account. In other words, a financially worry-free life. If you are smart with your spending, you can retire early. 

Income Level 6: You’re making millions!

You can pretty much buy whatever you want without worrying about the cost. You’re happy and comfortable—but no happier or more comfortable than when you were making $250,000. 

The takeaway is this: If you’re already earning more than $250,000, relax and enjoy it! If you’re making less than $250,000, forget the four-hour workweek—it’s not going to happen. To get yourself to the next income level, you have to work overtime, get a second (part-time) job, or start your own home-based business.

13 Incredibly Simple Ways to Overcome the Fear of Failure

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Imagine if you could do anything in the world without feeling fear or any negative feelings whatsoever.

The fear of failure is instilled in us from early childhood because of overly protective parents. It’s not easy to hear the words “No!” over and over again.

After awhile you start getting cautious about what you do. You constantly look to an authority figure to see if it’s okay.

As we grow, this negative belief becomes unconscious. You don’t even know it’s there. You just live your life as best as you can.

Overcoming fear of failure is not easy by any means, but it can be done, especially if you are determined to take your personal growth to the next level.

There is no magic pill that will transform you into a fearless hero, only steps that will take you closer to freedom from the imaginary jail cell of your mind.

 

1. Identify the Root Cause

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” — F. Scott Fitzgerald

Where does your fear of failure originate?

Sit down, take a few deep breaths, ask yourself when your fear of failure was formed, and observe what you see, feel, or hear.

When you see what caused your fear of failure, you’ll also see that your mind’s interpretation is far from accurate.

If your parents were overly protective, or if you had a particularly strict teacher, you’ll see that they did it because they want the best for you.

It’s easy to see how the you of the past interpreted events as he or she did. But if you look at the event as an outsider, you will see that it had nothing to do with you.

It’s crucial to examine all of your negative beliefs, because they have a big influence on how you live your life.

2. Simplify

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” — Leonardo da Vinci

Complexity is hard to visualize, and if you try, you will feel overwhelmed. Everything will feel hopeless and not worth doing, because you just don’t know how.

When I began my online journey, I was overwhelmed to say the least. I had no idea of where to go, what to do, or how to do it.

When I simplified the tasks that I needed to do, it all became much easier. I had no problem taking action because I had broken everything down into actionable pieces.

And if I didn’t know what to do, I’d ask someone, or join a training program.

I took the task of starting a website and broke it down to coming up with a domain name, buying hosting, getting a website up and running, and getting a simple design.

It also didn’t hurt that I was determined to make it work. If you don’t have that fire burning inside of you, you should think twice about moving forward.

Find your passion, and boldly go where you have never gone before.

3. Failure is Inevitable

“It is foolish to fear what you cannot avoid.” — Publius Syrus

Let’s face it, failure is inevitable if you want to live a remarkable life. I know you want to live a life full of passion, meaning, and purpose.

We all do.

But it’s not going to happen if you succumb to your fears and try to look for a more comfortable way out, because there is none.

Sooner or later you will have to overcome the fear of failure, and you will have to overcome many other fears during your lifetime.

Sometimes it’s overwhelming, frustrating, and exhausting. I know, I’ve been there, but the more you move through tough periods, the faster you’ll grow.

If you want the life of your dreams, make failure a part of your life.

Embrace it.

4. Fail More. Succeed More.

“There is no failure. Only feedback.” — Robert Allen

The more you fail, the more you succeed.

I was lucky to learn that lesson early in my life. When I became a professional poker player, I was 18, and I already knew that the more feedback I got, the faster I would learn.

I crave constructive criticism. It is a chance for me to improve what I’m doing.

I never assume that I know it all, nor do I assume that I am above failure. Even the most successful people fail every single day.

The difference between the successful and the not-yet-successful is the realization that failure is simply a stepping stone, not a permanent event.

5. Failure is Temporary

“Failure is an event, never a person.” — William D. Brown

Failure feels permanent, but it isn’t. You and I both know that, but we don’t act like it is so.

You may imagine yourself failing and the movie in your head stops there. If you let the movie play, you will realize that that failure may be exactly what you needed.

It may be the messenger of the lesson you needed to succeed down the road. Failure isn’t easy, but it is what will make you the person you want to become.

I’ve failed more times than I can count, yet I still fear failure. The difference now versus when I was in my late teens is that I know that the fear of failure is just a thought.

It conjures up feelings in my body that feel bad. It has no bearing in reality. It is often exaggerated and out of control.

Most people never stop to observe their thoughts. And they never stop to ponder that their thoughts could be wrong.

Why give your thoughts all that authority if they make you feel bad?

6. Free Your Mind

“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” — Buddha

See your thoughts for what they are … thoughts.

Thoughts can be eliminated, feelings can be alleviated, and fears can be overcome.

You can do this by taking massive action and facing your fears. You can also use methods such as The Work, EFT, and meditation.

I have personally been using EFT since I was 16. I have been meditating on and off for the same time. And I recently got acquainted with The Work.

Here’s a video on EFT that shows you how you can use it right away:

 

 

There’s more to life than being a slave to your mind, your programming, and the beliefs of society. You think what you become, so make sure you get it right on the inside before you blame the outside.

So many people try to get more money, better relationships, and seek happiness only to end up where they started.

They seek something outside of themselves, when everything they wanted was right in front of them.

7. Shift Your Perspective

“Failure teaches success.” — Japanese Saying

Who taught you that failure was a bad thing?

It feels bad, so it must be bad. Is that really true?

Every belief and thought that makes us feel bad needs to be examined. What good does a fear of failure do us?

It’s easier said than done to eliminate negative beliefs, but it all starts with being aware that a problem actually exists.

The last thing you want to do is get mad at yourself for not being perfect. We all have our unique fears and they are there for a reason.

Your fears will help you grow in the way you need to grow. You realize your negative beliefs when they need to be realized. There is no rush. This is not a competition. You’re doing perfectly.

Look at each failure as a blessing in disguise. It is not through success that we become wise, but through our failures.

I learned this lesson particularly well when I played poker for a living for half a decade. In poker, luck is a big factor, which means that you can play well, but still lose for weeks and months.

It can be extremely frustrating, but what it teaches you is discipline, and it teaches you to constantly improve your game.

It taught me one of the most valuable lessons of my life, which is to look at the negative periods as times of learning.

The same goes for life. Whenever you’re faced with something particularly difficult, learn from it and grow, because it will pass.

8. Self Growth

“Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.” — Mary Pickford

We all have the same basic fears. While same get through them easily, others get stuck. Use your fears as signposts that tell you where you have room to grow.

Fear of failure is something everyone faces at one point or another. This isn’t the end of the world, but the beginning of an amazing journey.

I know you may feel like being afraid of failure is horrible. That is because you imagine it to be so in your mind. Look at the pictures and thoughts that come up when you think about the fear of failure.

What do you see? Do you see yourself failing in front of a large group of people, which then proceed to laugh and point?

They are nothing but thoughts. You can get through them if you want to. You’ve already taken the first step by reading this article.

Even if you wanted to go back to your comfortable existence, it’s already too late, because the seed has been planted by you reading this article ;)

9. Embrace Fear

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

Everyone is afraid to one degree or another. No one is different. It’s ingrown into our biological mechanism.

The sooner you befriend your fear, the faster you can keep moving forward. It is not fear that stops you from going after your dreams, but what you decide to do because of those fears.

You can reprogram the way you react to your fears, thoughts, and worries. Whenever I am working on something that is important, such as doing what I love, and a fear pops up, I know I will get through it.

The alternative is giving up, which isn’t an option.

If you are determined to go after your passion, your fears will become insignificant in comparison.

10. Take Action

“I failed my way to success.” — Thomas Edison

We have more knowledge at our fingertips now than ever before in history. The internet gives you access to endless amounts of courses, guides, and training programs.

No matter what you want to do, you can learn. It’s fantastic. But it can also be paralyzing and a breeding ground for fear.

The what if thoughts enter your mind and you start worrying about this and that. No matter what, if you take action, you will eventually end up in the right place.

When you blend action with the guidance that comes from your heart, your progress will be fast, powerful, and fulfilling.

You see, while most people sit at the sidelines waiting for the perfect moment, you will be out there learning, doing, and growing.

That is what will get you to the life of your dreams.

11. Imagine Your Future

“What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” — Vincent van Gogh

Sometimes negativity helps.

Imagine your future if you let every fear you had control your life.

What does it look like?

Where would you end up?

Do you think you would regret it when you’re at the end of your life?

Now imagine your life if you had overcome every fear on your path. You would be living the life of you always desired.

You would look back at your life without regrets. Sure, you may have done some foolish things, but they just added some spice to your life.

You can sit home and feel sorry for yourself all you want, but it isn’t going to make your life different. Only you have the power to change your life, so you might as well start now.

12. Stay in the Now

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” – Buddha

Most of us live in either the past or in the future.

We regret what we’ve done (or not done), or we worry about what’s to come.

Using the past and present is fine when done with a purpose, like #11 up there, but letting your mind run amok will do you no good, as you probably already know.

There are no problems in the present. You are okay right now. You have a roof over your head, you have food in the fridge, and you feel fine.

You would be fine without a roof as well. What would make it not okay is your mind, and the stories it tells around your situation.

Accept the gift that is the present moment.

Breathe, smell, hear, and enjoy who you are, right now. You already have the key to your happiness.

13. Follow Your Passion

“No man is a failure who is enjoying life.” — William Feather

Last, but definitely not least is to follow your passion. We both knew this was coming ;).

If you decide to follow your passion, you will be much more likely to blast through your fears.

You know, like me, that doing anything other than going after your dreams is not an option. I might feel secure in a regular job, but I would never be happy or fulfilled.

Sometimes I feel like I am not living life, but life is living me. I go with my feelings and my heart. I do what excites me.

It’s an interesting way to live, and I invite you to try it.

Overcoming fear of failure is as hard as you make it. When you face your fears, you will realize that they are nowhere as bad as you thought they would be.

So what will it be?

Your fears, or the life of your dreams?

About

Hi. I’m Henri. Born and raised in Sweden. I help people turn their passion into an online business that supports their lifestyle.
To learn how I can help you, click here.

 
 
 

How to Be Patient

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How to Be Patient

Edited by Brent, From Malaysia, Manuel_Montenegro_THANKS!, Alhen and 108 others

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Patient#Why_are_you_impatient.3F_sub

Five Parts:Why are you impatient?Writing it DownOvercoming ImpatienceSeeing the Big PictureStepping Back

It has never been easy to be patient, but it’s probably harder now than at any time in history. In a world where messages and information can be sent across the world instantly, everything is available with only a few clicks of the mouse. Fortunately, patience is a virtue that can be cultivated and nurtured over time. You will be pleasantly surprised by how relaxation and peace of mind can impact the quality of your life.

 
 
 

 

Part 1 of 5: Why are you impatient?

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    Try to figure out why you are in such a hurry. For example: waiting for an important meeting to start! We tend to lose our patience when we’re multitasking or when we’re on a tight schedule, expecting the day to pass within only a few short minutes of busyness and chaos.

    • If you’re stretching yourself too thin, you should reconsider your to-do list before you attempt to change your natural reaction to an overwhelming situation.
    • Try to spread out your tasks so that you’re doing only one thing at a time, without leaving yourself twiddling your thumbs in eagerness of something to busy yourself with.
    • Delegate responsibilities to others if you can; this in itself may be a test of your patience, but you have to learn to share the load.
       
     
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    Pinpoint the triggers that often influence you to lose your patience. For example: When you are not doing anything! Impatience creeps in insidiously, and if you feel anxious, worried, or unhappy you may not even realize that the underlying cause of these feelings is impatience. To reduce the frequency of impatience, it helps to be aware of it.

    • Which events, people, phrases or circumstances always seem to influence you lose your cool? Sit down and make a list of all the things which cause you anxiety, tension, or frustration. At the core of most triggers is a reality that we have a hard time accepting. What are those realities for you?

     
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    Look for patterns. Being aware of your impatience also gives you a chance to learn from it and perhaps uncover a relationship or circumstance that is simply not healthy or constructive, and that you may have the power to change. Figure that out, and you can then think logically about the problem issue and decide whether or not your impatience is warranted or helpful. It usually isn’t, but when it is you can then figure out ways to fix the root problem rather than simply feeling stressed about it.

     
 

 

Part 2 of 5: Writing it Down

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    Keep a journal. For one to two weeks, whenever you get that rushed feeling and the sense of impatience, write down whatever it is that feeling is associated with (Example: July 1 – astronomy class). Make sure that you take notes consistently and consecutively each time the feeling occurs.

    • You will notice that you are more aware of (and subsequently more prepared for) the feeling of impatience. You will also be able to observe the sense of impatience objectively and which events give rise to it.
    • You may come to the conclusion that circumstances surrounding the feeling are not causing you angst — the feeling itself is. In these ways, you will be able to better control impatience when it besets you.
     
 

 

Part 3 of 5: Overcoming Impatience

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    Overcome bouts of impatience. In the long run, developing patience requires a change in your attitude about life, but you can immediately make progress by learning to relax whenever you feel impatient. Take a few deep breaths and just try to clear your mind. Concentrate on breathing and you’ll be able to get your bearings.

     
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    Let go if you can’t do anything about the impatience trigger. If there isn’t anything that you can do to resolve whatever has triggered your impatience, just let it go. Easier said than done, yes, but it’s possible, and it’s the only healthy thing to do.

    • Initially, you will probably find it difficult to let go if the matter is important to you — waiting to hear back after a job interview, for instance — but you should be able to alleviate impatience that’s caused by issues of less consequence (i.e. waiting in line at the grocery store).
    • If you make a concerted effort to be more patient in relatively inconsequential, short-term situations, you’ll gradually develop the strength to remain patient in even the most trying and enduring situations.
     
 

 

Part 4 of 5: Seeing the Big Picture

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    Remind yourself that things take time. People who are impatient are people who insist on getting things done now and don’t like to waste time. However, some things just can’t be rushed.

    • Think about your happiest memories. Chances are, they were instances when your patience paid off, like when you worked steadily toward a goal that wasn’t immediately gratifying, or took a little extra time to spend leisurely with a loved one. Would you have those memories if you had been impatient? Probably not.
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    • Almost anything really good in life takes time and dedication, and if you’re impatient, you’re more likely to give up on relationships, goals, and other things that are important to you. Good things may not always come to those who wait, but most good things that do come don’t happen right away.
     
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    Remember what matters. Not focusing on what matters most in this life fuels impatience. Move the world toward peace by being kind, generous in forgiveness of others, being grateful for what is, and taking full advantage of what matters most. When other less important things fuel our impatience, taking time to remember any one of these items reduces our tendency to want something different right now.

     
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    Always remember that you will eventually get what you want. (This requires maturity and patience to understand and accept!) If you work hard at something, this may be the truth, but most of the time you have to be patient to get what you want.

    • For others, this may come as easy, but the only thing that matters is that you know how to occupy yourself, even in the dead of times.
    • Just remember, patience is a mental skill that you will never forget, so cherish patience as a major step for you in life. Impatience is something not to be proud of, but something that you should attempt to train yourself out of, before it is something that overthrows your life.
     
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    Always have a positive outlook in life. Being always positive is very imperative as possessing a sense of patience. Remember that life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

     
 

 

Part 5 of 5: Stepping Back

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    Expect the unexpected. Yes, you have plans, but things don’t always work out as planned. Accept the twist and turns in life gracefully. Keep your expectations realistic. This applies not only to circumstances, but also the behavior of those around you.

    • If you find yourself blowing up over your child or your spouse accidentally spilling a drink, you’re not in touch with the fact that people aren’t perfect. Even if the occasion is not an isolated incident but is instead caused by their repeated neglect and carelessness, losing your patience isn’t going to make it any better. That’s something to be addressed with discussion and self-control.
     
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    Give yourself a break. The meaning of this is twofold.

     

    First, take a few minutes to do absolutely nothing. Just sit quietly and think. Don’t watch television; don’t even read. Do nothing. It may be hard at first, and you may even feel impatient after a minute or two, but by taking some time out you can essentially slow your world down, and that’s important to develop the attitude necessary to develop patience.


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    • Second, stop holding yourself and the world around you to unattainable standards. Sure, we’d all be more patient if babies didn’t cry, dishes didn’t break, computers didn’t crash, and people didn’t make mistakes – but that’s never going to happen. Expecting the world to run smoothly is like beating your head against the wall. Give yourself a break! and for children go outside and play it helps you to not stress on it!
 
 
 
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Do You Trust Yourself? Should You?

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Do You Trust Yourself? Should You?

January 18, 2014/3 Comments/in Client/Customer RelationshipsTrust Models cgreen23 /by Charles H. Green

It’s a compelling headline: Stop Trusting Yourself. By Northeastern University psychologist David DeSteno, it’s featured in today’s NYTimes, and ostensibly shows that we mistakenly trust ourselves – that if anything, we mis-estimate our own trustworthiness more than that of others.

Compelling indeed; but like sugar water, the headline high is brief. The problem is not bad psychology – it’s bad meta-psychology.  The studies he cites merely describe a part of the puzzle of self-trust, and not necessarily the biggest part at at that.

This is not the first time that “hard” scientists have gushed over “findings” that amount to little more than semantic confusion. The worst offenders are the neuroscientists, who constantly mistake chemical descriptions for higher forms of “explanation.”  But this one doesn’t require much knowledge of science.

Trusting Yourself

First, props to Mr. DeSteno for correctly noting something many trust students miss – that trust is an asynchronous relationship between two parties. Trusting “yourself” makes no sense unless we can posit two identities within the self, one of which can be said to trust the other. (This is similar to the issue of consciousness in philosophy).  DeSteno quite rightly recognizes the need to define those two selves.

The problem is, he picks one definition and one alone – the “present you” and the “future you.”  The rest of his article cites studies about how the “present you” constantly mis-estimates the future you. He cites two “cognitive glitches” to describe this, both of which deal with present and future states.

Well and good. This all makes perfect sense – except that time is only one way to posit the “two-you’s” necessary to make sense of self-trust.  Here are three more. I suspect a bit more thought by the reader would yield more still.

1. Trust Your Skills. As in How to Trust Yourself Over Every Golf Shot,  where the author offers the definition, “Trust is the ability to suspend one’s judgment about one’s performance (swing).”

Here the two selves are the cognitive, self-observing self, and the instinctual, acting self. Anyone who plays golf, or any sport (or engages in sex as a male) knows the debilitating effects in the here and now of over-thinking things.  The same is true for leadership, acting, storytelling, public speaking, and any number of other human endeavors.

Proof that this is an even more common meaning of “self-trust” than DeSteno’s now-future me?  Consider the ubiquity and instantly understood Nike slogan, “Just Do It.”

Note that, in these important realms of life, “trust yourself” has nothing to do with time.

Note also that the advice from this definition of self-trust is to “trust yourself” – exactly the opposite of the “don’t trust yourself” advice that DeSteno posits from his time-based example of self-trust.

2. Trust Your Identity.  Clinical psychologist, therapist and author David Schnarch incisively describes the self-trust that comes with what he calls differentiation:

Differentiation is basically the ability to balance humankind’s two most fundamental drives. One is our urge to be connected with other people, and the other is the urge to be free and autonomous and direct the course of our life. So both wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be our own person are the two most fundamental drives and the two fundamental problems that couples have in emotionally committed relationships.

[we have developed] a theorem that helps clients and therapists stay on track, and earns credibility with people who trust no one: Only the best in us talks about the worst in us, because the worst in us lies about its own existence. 

The inability to trust oneself leads us to fear others; the inability to trust others leads us to over-rely on our selves. Here the two selves are my self-reliant self, and my other-engaging self.

Proof that this too is an even more common meaning of “self-trust” than DeSteno’s now-future me? Try Googling “I trust myself to” and you’ll get first page hits like this:

When I trust myself to love & take care of myself, it’s easier to trust others because they can’t harm my inner well-being.

And once again – the best advice from this meaning of self-trust is not to distrust yourself, but the opposite – to trust yourself.

3. Mastery over life.  In Trusting Yourself, Barbara O’Brien talks about the Buddhist perspective on trusting oneself to stop worrying.  The key to trusting oneself is to let go of the chokehold of expectation.

The vibration of trusting/having confidence in your ability to create enjoyable experiences for yourself and what is in line with your highest good. A very good frequency for anyone who is stuck in victim mentality.

Again, this is on the first page of results from Googling “Trust Yourself.”

From the Twelve Step literature comes a similar concept, reflected in the witticism, “An expectation is a pre-meditated resentment.” Detachment from outcome is the key to living in the present, which in turn is the key to living over time.

If you think Buddhism is too esoteric, then let’s go to Harvard Business School.  Also on the first page of search on “trust yourself” is an article from the business mainstream HBR Blog Network,How to Teach Yourself to Trust Yourself. In it, author Peter Bregman suggests:

There is a simple remedy to the insecurity of being ourselves: stop asking.  Instead, take the time, and the quiet, to decide what you think. That is how we find the part of ourselves we gave up. That is how we become powerful, clever, creative, and insightful. That is how we gain our sight.

Again: a very common piece of human reality. Also, not dependent on time. And, yet another piece that admonishes us to trust ourselves, not to not-trust ourselves.

Science and Philosophy
To make a gross over-generalization – we have come, in recent years, to err on the side of methodology, data, behavioralism, and metrics.  That has come at the cost of clear problem definition and common sense. This is most noticeable in the softer social sciences, but it shows up even in economics. And it most certainly shows up in social sciences with the trappings of “hard” science – like studies in behavioral psychology.

No branch  of science – not even physics – is immune from the need to properly define questions. Newtonian physics wasn’t wrong; it was just answering one particular set of questions, not all questions.

If you want to examine a social phenomenon – like, say, self-trust – the right place to begin is not with empirical studies, but with doing exhaustive search engine work (the modern version of anthropological field research). How do real human beings, operating in the real world, think about an issue?

In logic, a false premise renders all conclusions logically true. In science, a bad problem definition can support any conclusion whatsoever. In our haste to use all the tools of modern analysis, we have allowed sloppy problem definition. (I won’t go so far as to say we need more philosophers in science. Oops I just did.)

Professor DeSteno is almost certainly not wrong. But that’s not the key question.  The key question is – what problem was he solving?

He says he’s solving the problem of self-trust. I say he’s solving the problem of one aspect of self-trust – an aspect that is not likely to be more ubiquitous or relevant than other aspects, and which notably has a different answer than the other aspects.

Caveat reader.

 
 
In Service
Kiran Vecha

VCon 2013

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First day at Malaysia. Already feeling the buzz of VCon. Registrations completed today. Looking forward for next five days of Magic.
Stay tuned for regular updates the ought out VCon

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COLORS OF PEOPLE

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In our last installment of the color of people, I went over the type of people that there are in the world and briefly described each one. In this installment, am going to discuss just what kind of people you will want in your organization. Believe it or not, you don’t want just one kind. After reading this, you’ll see why.

Let’s start with the reds who are motivated by money. Sure, you could get them into your organization if you can convince them that they can make a ton of money, but once they see that most people don’t want to work very hard, they will be the first to leave. If they don’t see that return quickly, they’ll be gone. That’s all there is to it.

Now, if you were to give the reds a bunch of blues under him that would only speed up the process. But, if you give the reds a bunch of yellows, who are hard working and will take the time to work with others, you might see the reds stick around a little longer, though don’t expect any of them to stay around forever.

Even though it would appear that the reds are the ones you want in your business, the truth is, they are the last people you want. They have the biggest egos and are used to bossing people around. That works in “corporate America”, but it doesn’t work with network marketing.

The people you want to get into your organization are the yellows and the greens. The yellows are the hardest and most loyal workers and the greens are the smartest and will come up with the best ideas for promotion. Now, unfortunately, yellows and greens, even if pure forms existed, only make up 70% of the population. And since there is really no way of knowing which person is going to come into your organization unless you did some extensive study of the person, that means that 30% of your people will end up leaving your organization quickly.

With the blues, it won’t matter because they won’t do much anyway even if they do stick around. Remember, they’re the party people. So you want yellows and greens and you want to work with these people. If you should find you have a red or a blue, don’t spend your time with either of them. For one thing, you can’t tell the red anything because he has all the answers and the blue just doesn’t care enough. So trying to get them motivated to do any work and stick around is a waste of time. Spend your time with the yellows and the green, especially the yellows. They are ultimately going to be the backbone of your organization.

choose-the-right-colors Okay, how can you tell the yellows? Actually, it’s not too hard. The yellows are going to be the ones who email you to tell you how hard they are going to work. Their emails are going to sound so sincere and from the heart. That’s how you know you have a yellow. As for the greens, they are the ones who are going to tell you about all their degrees and how they know web design and this and that and how they have no doubt they can make this work. They’ll ask you a zillion questions about every aspect of the business. Answer them! If you learn to deal with the organization you’re given, you’ll be able to make the most of your organization and build it up to one that you can take pride in. So look at the people around you, see their colours, trust me you will be surprised by what you find out

WEALTH PRINCIPLES THAT GUIDE ME

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GOOD MORNING TYCOONS,
QNET FOR TODAY

Today I want to jump into some serious wealth principles that are essential to your future and your personal success! Rich Dad, Poor Dad was a revolutionary book that changed the mindsets of people all over the world about working for others versus establishing a financial vehicle for ourselves.

One great benefit to being in this industry and being connected the powerful leaders that I’m connected to is that they highly encourage personal development and investing in your mind! It is said that “you need to invest at least 3% of your income into yourself and personal development, and it is then that you can guarantee your success.”

No other industry promotes personal development like network marketing. And after being introduced to the book Rich Dad, Poor Dad by a close and dear friend, my whole mindset shifted and here are 7 principles that I’ve taken with me as my toolkit for personal and financial success.

Principle #1: “The Rich Don’t Work For Money!”

Most people are afraid of having money which is why the majority of the world prefer a job, despite how much they hate it, in hopes of having “Financial Security”. However, the wealthy don’t work for money! They work towards a vision and the big picture of what their time invested and well thought out plan will produce for them.

They don’t run if they don’t make money in their first 2 weeks. Instead , they fight that much harder and work much longer hours towards their goals. And in the end, they win and money never becomes an issue again!

Principle #2: “You Can’t Build Wealth Without Financial Literacy!”

Everyone wants to be a millionaire but very few people even understand the difference between a liability and an asset. Until you devote a great deal of your time to understanding financial terminology and commit to becoming financially literate, you’ll forever be a small fish in the pond full of sharks that will eat you up for lunch due to your lack of knowledge!

Principle #3: “Mind Your Own Business!”

The fear of what other people think and the urge to follow the crowd is often the biggest downfall to the “dreamers”. The wealthy realize that they will walk the road less traveled and won’t be popular on the front end, but in the end, the crowd will be paying them to teach them what they have done to get to where they are!

Principle #4: “The Wealthy Don’t Run From Taxes, They Learn About Tax Advantages!”

Another term that entrepreneurs get to know quickly is “Taxes”. The truth is however, that this world was designed to promote entrepreneurship, providing tons of tax breaks to business owners, allowing the wealthy to keep more money in their pocket while the “employees” devote their dollars to running your country!

Principle #5: “Work To Learn, Not For Money!”

Far too many people want to talk just about the money being made in the network marketing industry. But the reality, , is that there are tons of benefits that one will obtain just by being associated with this industry. If you really want to be successful in life and adopt the mindset of a millionaire, commit to working to learn and not just for the money!

Principle #6: “Confront The Fear & Do It Anyway!”

Fear is a dominant emotion that tends to cause so many of us to never take action. However, fear is also an indicator that alarms your body of stepping outside of your comfort zone into “unknown territory”. Learning how to not let fear dominate and control your decision making is key to accomplishing great things in life.

If you ever want to know how people rose to the top, consider this principle as one of the key character traits that they’ve mastered, that allowed them to rise to the top 3% of the World.

Principle #7: “Learn To Overcome Obstacles Quickly And Move Forward Without Looking Back!”

We all make mistakes, we all have the potential to fail, we all have the fear of failing and we all hate when things don’t work out as planned!

BIG DEAL….

In life, it’s about learning how to bounce back much faster than it took you to fall. Learn to dust yourself up, take one step forward and don’t look back!

These 7 principles are the foundations, I believe, to truly experiencing a life of pure fulfillment and freedom and I just wanted to share them with you.